No-one is harder on me than me

I am hard on myself every day. I could think of one thing that I give myself grief about one day and the next several things come to mind and then I get really wound up, That’s hard, continually having those thoughts and feelings that often drive you to what feels like insanity.

I had a melt down. It’s odd though as the day before I was saying I hadn’t had one in a while and “POW” there we go I had one. I keep pushing myself harder and harder every day. I want to do better. I look at things completely different to most too this sometimes can be an advantage and even a disadvantage in certain scenarios.

Bizarrely I am good at psychology. I have an ability to see through people quickly. I like them to know when they are silently judging in a negative way too. I often say “what are you thinking? Is it this or that?” to see what their reaction is. I also think because of how my mind works when I think about myself I can match all those feelings and thoughts to someone else straight away.

Go ahead, judge me but why waste the time and energy? I’ll judge me for you! In fact, I’ll go better than that and live my own life whilst you live yours.

I have some time on my own so I am going to spend this time though to distance myself from the stresses. I have a photoshoot scheduled for this Thursday which I am looking forward to. I also have the next segment of the promo shoot to schedule in for next week, another photoshoot before that actually too with another photographer. Not all photo’s of me though.

I also have a venue viewing on Friday afternoon in London and a great part of London too. It’s a gallery with a black grand piano for use. I left it rather late for the launch but literally haven’t had the time. If it is not for me I will have to postpone the launch party but still have something else later on. It’s not the end of the world but it would have been nice to have had it sorted. I’ll know on Friday.

I am a one man band, this is the thing. I am so hard on myself because I haven’t got certain things done but I am doing it all on my own.

The weather is turning and this doesn’t help my mood. Going to work in the dark and leaving to go home in the dark. I know so many people love Autumn but who really, seriously, loves putting layers and layers of clothing on to stay warm? Not me, I would rather be hot and cool down than cold and try and get warmed up. Less clothes to wash too and to add, I don’t actually like Pumpkin either. Roll on spring!

I have been to some great places last week and the weekend and have so many photos to share on social media so I will make time to do that tomorrow evening when I have had some sleep.

That’s another issue here. Sleep. I haven’t had much of it. I have about 6 alarms that I set 2 minutes apart from each other. Here is the situation…one alarm goes off, I press snooze, the snooze is 10 minutes, the next alarm goes off within the next minute and snooze again it’s so typically groundhog. I am just ridiculous but if I do it like that I have no choice but to get up.

I am doing pretty good though with getting ready in the morning’s at speed. I might look like I have gone through a hedge backwards but still I make it to the office before the sun has risen.

I am literally typing here and falling to sleep so I am going to keep this one really short. Probably one of the shortest posts I have written but short and sweet sometimes better than a novel.

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Thanks again for your support and reading it’s much appreciated.

I am going to sleep. Yaaaayyy!

With Love Mel Zzzzzzzzz

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